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Talk:Jeff the Killer 2015/@comment-26054278-20151208024514
If I was to address the backlash of this story, I'd pretty much be repeating what Shadowswimmer77 brilliantly summed up in his comment. I'll just quote his second paragraph, as it literally is exactly what I would have said: To that end, to all the naysayers who have sprung up out of thin air: Where have you been for the last two months? If you feel that negatively about this version of the story, you could have expressed your position for one of the other entries during the last month of voting or, hell, written your own version in October if you thought you could do better. Or, even more, have voted for the contest to never take place in September. Seriously, what the heck, people? Anyway, as for the quality of the story itself, I think this is not only a great story, but also a pretty decent improvement over the original. I think the real depth here is Jeff's character. He acts like I think a kid his age would act, and you can sympathize with him. Therefore, when things start to go wrong, the investment is much higher than it was in the original. I found the writing and prose to be (for the most part) well done. The grammar and descriptions here are much better than the original, and a couple lines do ooze imagery. Also, the person who tried to criticize this story because it used the British spelling of "grey" once is grasping for straws. It seems like such a minuscule, unimportant, and incredibly minor point to even bother bringing up. Anyway, I would have liked to see more of Liu and know more about him. His development was definitely there, but I could have used more. I didn't mind it too much on the first read, but the more I looked it over, the more Liu's absence bothered me. The same goes for the parents and the death of the parents later on. Some detail and depth for both their characters and their death scenes would have been lovely. However, my biggest problem with the story (personally) was how predictably Randy betrayed Jeff. I knew it was coming, and although I kind of liked Randy, I think it would have been more interesting if it turned out Randy actually did want to patch things up, but Troy and Keith, not having this interaction, still wanted revenge. Maybe it would have sort of been weird as Jeff did beat up Randy and the bullies already, but I wouldn't have minded if it avoided a pretty huge and annoying cliche in order to make Randy a better, less one-dimensional bully. Looking back on it, I also could have used more disturbing elements. Yes, there are indeed kills, but the lack of detail of them and lack of Jeff truly lashing out against his parents for all he hated them for seems pretty weak. It would have been better if the kills were more gruesome; not just to make the story more creepy, but also because it makes sense for Jeff (who hates his parents and finally snapped) to want to torture them as much as possible. There were hints at it when he murdered his mother, but it should have went further (in my opinion). Other than those complaints, this pasta is still very good and a solid enough effort. Nothing spectacular, but I don't think it deserves much of the backlash at all. 7''/10''. Click here for more critiques.